The way to quit smoking

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Now if you think I'm going to dispense some surefire way to quit smoking then you are at the wrong place.

Even if there was a surefire way, you wouldn't be hearing it from me.

Unless you will even possibly consider my idea of taking 1 month's annual leave and asking someone to tie you up to a chair and staying that way. Now that is one sure way to quit smoking. Your mind would be so preoccupied with thinking about food or going to the toilet that you would not even have time to think of smoking, much less WANT to smoke.

So.. yea.. I wanted to share with you this method that our Qi Gong masters shared with us.

To further clarify, it's called Ren Dian Xue (人电学）， or RDX for short.

Queueing up to collect my RDX Graduation Pass. Dun play play!

To those who have my mother on their Facebook friend list, you would have noticed my mother happily uploading videos and photos from our RDX lessons and their subsequent trip to Genting Highlands (WITHOUT ME :< )

The lessons were interesting, though I have to admit the first few nights I actually fell asleep in class until I drooled all over my own cheek. Fatigue is one thing that RDX cannot cure no matter how long you meditate.

SO.. before I digress further...

There was a short presentation about how to get someone to quit smoking. Or rather, HELP someone quit smoking.

First of all, it involves a smoker (duh!).

Second, this smoker must sincerely REALLY want to quit.

Third, get the smoker to smoke a stick. Once he (not that I mean to be sexist but it's the truth that most smokers are guys although I believe the difference is shortening) lights a stick and has taken a few puffs, you take the cigarette from him...

And inhale. With your mouth, such that the disgusting pollutants do not enter your lungs.

I think hamsters will probably do this best because they have such expandable cheek pouch to store food.

Then when you exhale out the smoke, make sure to exhale out at the mouthpiece of the cigarette.

Repeat above 2 more times before returning the same stick to the smoker.

They will realise that the taste suck (now then they know???) and thereafter quit smoking.

OH SO THEY SAY LAH.

So guess what. That night, I happily went home to try it out on Des and myself, as an experimental guinea pig (pun unintended).

I'm not sure if the above works only for people who has practiced RDX, or if non-RDX practitioners are able to do the same.

Well, right now all I can say is smoking is not as easy as it looks.

When I took the cigarette from Des, it was dry. As in, when I put it to my lips, it was totally dry. Not even stained with saliva.

I'm sure among the many ill-effects of smoking, 'dry lips' is probably one of them.

I then puffed. Very unsuccessfully. Do you know how freaking difficult it was? Why wasn't there any warning in class!?!?

Despite the fact that I was using my 'cheek' to store the smoke as I inhaled, fact is smoking involves burning = fire = smoke.

The smoke bothered me to no end as I very painfully controlled myself from throwing my head backwards and giving up. It went up my nose and burned my nostrils with its offensive smell, and it went into my eyes as well and made them tear.

Worst of all, it was three.. frigging.. puffs.

Yes, I had to do it thrice... and on top of all that.. had to make sure that when I exhaled, I was exhaling accurately at the 'end' of the cigarette where the smoker put his lips to.

Now if a guy peeing was as difficult as aiming to exhale at the head of a cigarette, then yea, I think I now understand why guys cannot pee properly.

Having done my intended job, I quickly handed the offensive stick back to Des and waited to see his reaction.

He took a long drag.

I waited in great anticipation.

Nothing.

"How? Got any difference?" I asked.

"No leh." He confessed. You see, the thing about Des is that he is always brutally honest.

He thought for a few seconds and then replied me thoughtfully. "The only difference is that you wasted 3 puffs of my cigarette."

You cannot blame me for rolling my eyes at this.

I then decided to do what our Marketing Research tutors and lecturers have always warned against: I used a super biased form of questioning to mislead the interviewee.

"Don't you feel like it tastes more disgusting?" I probed.

He shook his head and then continued puffing on the stick.

I gave up and walked back to my room while cursing over the failed attempt.

I whipped my head about in delight as he suddenly added "Actually, ya. It tastes more disgusting."

Wondering whether it was because the method really worked? Or was it because by the time I puffed and returned his death sticks to him, it was already horribly drenched by my saliva?

No one can tell.. but I was immensely disgusted when my guinea pig then decided to make up for that one 'spoilt' stick by smoking another TWO!

CiiN Sniffed Her Pillow At 12:09 AM